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Secret
Program Revealed
Navy
Tests New After-Life Weapon
A new experimental program, directed by the U.S. Navy, makes it possible for
civilians to serve their country after their death, while substantially
cutting on funeral expenses. Participants of RIP (Rapid Interment Program)
will be buried at sea by means of cartridge-like caskets, which will be fired at enemy targets from a
special departure
platform (see image below).
Based on the current Rolling Airframe Missile (RAM),
the RIP launcher was adapted by
the Write-you-off Company (formerly a division of Raytheon) to launch titanium-made caskets filled
with explosives. A nuclear version is considered as well, for those who
prefer cremation.
Couples who wish to be buried side by side are offered
an optional, dual GPS
navigation system, which ensures a joint burial within a radius of one mile.
Admiral O. Penn Graves, the Navy program manager,
reports that initial tests, conducted at sea aboard the USS Death-On-Tour, demonstrated
a 100% kill rate.
"The new weapon cannot be classified as suicide
bombing, since the participants are dead previously to the launch" summarizes
Captain Mike Grim,
RIP PR rep - "but
this is as close as we can get."
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