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Enforcing the 'Patriot Act':

Florida to Utilize New Anti-Terror Weapons

Joining the "Patriot Act" effort, the state of Florida recently introduced several innovative security measures and technologies, aimed at preventing terror attacks in the Sunny State.

The first innovation, code-named "FireArm", combines an ordinary crutch with an automatic assault rifle (see image below). The contraption is capable of firing 650 rounds per minute, or supporting body weight of up to 250 Lb, however not at the same time.

Although not likely to take advantage of its maximum effective range of 1200 feet, senior citizens equipped with this device are expected to deter any terror threat within their communities. As a side perk, they are guaranteed a seat in any Chinese restaurant serving an Early Bird buffet.

In Orlando, the prominent theme parks elected to incorporate new security measures into the existing infrastructure. Equipping their familiar characters with combat gear appears to be the popular choice (see image below). 

As an additional benefit for the parks, the new strategy is expected to cut down the number of kids attacking the characters in pursuit of their autographs.

Larger scale anti-terror deployments, generally referred to as WMD (Weapons of Mass Defense) are commissioned by the big cities throughout Florida. One of the most promising technologies, dubbed ‘The Bridge Zapper’, is expected to avert aerial attacks on downtown sky scrapers (see image below).

Despite a few glitches, including civilian aircrafts being destroyed, endangered birds incinerated and an enormous electric bill, the new system proves to be a huge attraction to tourists as well as local residents, second only to the Florida Lottery. 

Play the Game: "Bridge Zapper"

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